are you ready to be strong?

i like to do this thing where when i’m feeling bad about myself i google negatives of things i really really really care about more than i care about myself. like. i’ll just go and google variations of “i hate buffy” and “van gogh sucks” and “harry potter is dumb” until i get so angry that i cry. it is a terrible choice do not do this

i get that like. lot of people like paintings for simply aesthetic reasons. or if you’re an artist, or someone who studies art, you might like paintings for certain skill in the use of certain elements in those paintings. but that’s not why i like van gogh. that’s just not it. and i can’t represent my love for van gogh just in description of stylistic qualities, and i can’t represent my love for van gogh without referencing his life

you can take or leave his work stylistically. that’s, you know, that’s a human thing. people like different things. i get that. but you also have to recognize that based on the sheer number of people in the world who love his work, many of whom do not know or care as much about vincent as a human being as i do, liking van gogh is not something that is unique to knowing every detail and fact about his life. and it is incredibly rude to imply that people only like or care about van gogh because they know about his life from, like, wikipedia articles and books and stuff and not because of anything that’s in his actual art

because i don’t know about you, but i can’t look at van gogh’s work without seeing his life. i can’t look at his paintings without seeing his joy and his hope and his passion and his optimism and his fear of himself, his anxiety, his sadness

i can’t look at starry night over the rhone without seeing his wonder at the universe, without seeing a man who believes that the best way to know god is to love many things, a man who knows nothing with any certainty but the sight of the stars makes him dream 

i can’t look at almond blossoms without seeing an overjoyed uncle making something bright and hopeful and full of light and full of life as soon as he heard of the birth of his little nephew, something for little vincent, born the year his uncle died. those brushstrokes that are so full of passion and love and the flowers that are so full of beauty and an understanding of the world and such a caring for it; almond blossoms was painted less than a year before those hands would take his life, before he would look his brother in the eye and say that “the sadness will last forever.” 

i can’t look at his sketches without hearing the voice of a man who wrote to his brother, “i wish to make some drawings in which there is something human,” a man who knew that his work was strange and new and different and not very good in the modern standards of the thing and who was constantly torn down and thrown aside in everything that he attempted, from selling art to preaching to painting, but who felt that in spite of this he must keep painting. a man who painted not what he saw but what he felt in what he saw, a man who took the darkness around him and made it into something so bright and thick and full of color

you don’t need to know his brother’s name to see that in his work. you don’t need to know that vincent lived in squalor and preached in the coal-mining district of the borinage in belgium before despairing of organized religion and what little it was doing for the people around him and what little he was allowed to do for them and what little he was capable of doing and taking up his pencils once more. you don’t need to know the year he died and the year his nephew was born, or that his father considered sending him to an asylum a full ten years before he was eventually hospitalized, or any of the facts of his life, because when you look at his paintings, you can see his passion and his love and his care, and you can see his pain

those parts of his life are there, in his work, in his paintings, in his style and his medium and his shift from charcoal to oil and from dark browns and blacks and grays to his distinctive blues and oranges and yellows. vincent’s life is in his paintings, his story is there for you to see in the hundreds of pieces he made during his life

i can’t separate that from his art, because it is his art. his life and his art are inseparable. and you can’t just plug that in a computer algorithm that splits back successful use of artistic elements, and if you did, you’d really be missing out on what has made his work so moving and so impactful for so many years

you’d be missing out what so many see in those paintings, whether they realize it or not- that human idea of optimism and hope in struggle, of fear and pain and love and joy and contentment all at the same time, of, as vincent said at one point, “being sorrowful but always happy” 

of drawings in which there is something human

please tell us more things about Vincent which are not sad but are happy
  • theo kept all of his brother’s letters and so we have something like 600 letters from vincent to theo 
  • vincent is buried next to his brother theo which i guess is not really a happy thing but i think would be a definitely not happy thing if it were not true because they loved and cared about each other so much and were so frequently apart in life 
  • sometimes people will get upset about how much people talk about van gogh’s life and illness and worry that it, like, taints his art? or that people see his life instead of his art? but vincent read artists’ biographies so much during his life and loved them and thought that they were very important and that the art was represented in the biography and the biography in the art so he would be okay with it probably
  • in one of his letters to theo he describes a rembrant painting that he loves and in his description he mentions the light, the color, the movement, the figures, and then he says, “and there is life everywhere.” that is how he sees these paintings- in light, in color, in movement, in figure, and in life everywhere. 
  • he used to pay little boys to bring him birds’ nests to paint
  • hiiiiiis time in paris is both sad and happy and just very complicated because he fought with theo here and also fought with some other artists but also this is where he starts to develop his brighter, bolder style and also this is sort of the only point where he really has friends oops sad again
  • light. so much light. everything is drenched in light. van gogh is an ecstatic patron of recurrent light
  • yellow. blue. green. mauve. 
  • theo’s son was named after him (vincent willem) and immediately after hearing about his nephew’s birth uncle vincent began to paint my favorite of his works, almond blossoms in blue, to hang in the little boy’s bedroom 
  • again not really a happy thing but it would definitely not be a happy thing if it were not true because he loved his brother so much- when he died, his brother was there, and he knew that his brother was there
  • not only are his works some of the most expensive paintings ever sold now, they are also some of the most impactful on the history of art since
  • this is very important because vincent even told theo that since he didn’t have any children, he considered his paintings to be like his children. honestly i sort of think of all of these generations of paintings to have been influenced by van gogh to be generations of grandchildren and great-grandchildren 
  • really i think van gogh’s words mostly speak for themselves so i really encourage you to read through the book ‘dear theo.’ but a lot of those words are things that are happy and are also sad
  • these are all things about him and about his life and i will stick with those because if i talk about the optimism and the passion in his work and in his writing, and the love that he had for his world even as he fought so hard to stay in it, and the beauty that he created and the light and joy and the faces that he showed the world, i think i will go on for a very very long time


things that do not contradict an ace!parker headcanon:

  • her stripping in front of hardison
  • her talking easily/comfortably about sex
  • her being comfortable with hardison enough to feign a sexual relationship with him to fool marks

all of these things can exist in the canon comfortably alongside an asexual headcanon. not all ace people are completely unknowledgable about sex or completely uncomfortable with their bodies around people they trust. 

parker learns to grift from sophie, and much of sophie’s technique is using her femininity and other peoples’ perspectives about her and her appearance as tools to trick them. it makes sense that parker would learn this and then use that and her comfortable relationship with hardison to trick people into thinking they’re just harmless people there to hook up. that doesn’t automatically mean she’s allosexual. none of those three bullets automatically make a character allosexual. please don’t be gross about other peoples’ headcanons

it's late and no one is awake and i just need to know someone is here for me and that i am wanted and missed and thought about

I’m so sorry, darling; I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I know how hard and scary it can be to feel like there’s nobody there for you. But sweetheart, I can promise you that there are people in your life who care about you, who want you, who miss you, who would miss you if you were gone, who think about you.

Sometimes it can be hard to see. The world is a big place and there are a lot of people in it, and most of the time those people are focused on their own fears and unhappinesses and worries, or they don’t know how to show how much they care, or how they care. But that doesn’t make it any less real.

The world is full of people who want to see you happy and healthy and safe, who want you and need you and don’t even know it yet or know how to show you. I’m one of those people. And while I’m not always going to be awake or online, please know that I’m always here, always here for you if you need anything at all, and I’ll be thinking about you, and hoping things go better tomorrow. 


it’s a little past midnight, or maybe sometime in the early hours of the morning, and you aren’t sure where you are because the sky is stained a deep purple and the stars are closer than you’ve ever seen them. there’s frost on the windowpanes but there is a warmth somewhere deep inside you, a fire that’s always been there but that you only woke up noticing today.

you remember a voice heavy with the knowledge of a thousand places yet with a certain fragile wonder, as if the speaker could see everything that’s ever existed and still be astounded by the why and how of it all. you remember, too, gentle arms guiding you from the heat and darkness of worst fears and setting you down far away in the embrace of a cool mahogany breeze. you don’t remember what he said his name was, but you know that knowing it would not really mean anything in the end.

you are between the worlds of weariness and sleep, but you feel yourself awakening, the beginning of something taking root in your lungs.

you rise, feeling the muscles in your body shift and stretch to let you know that they’re still there, just as you hear a knock on the door followed by that voice. you think you’ve been waiting your entire life to hear that voice.

"maya? it’s me, the doctor. are you awake?"

you take a deep breath and smile. you feel that hope rushing to the surface.

am i ready? you think to yourself. then, i guess it’s time to find out.

nicejewishqueer replied to your post “talk about queer harry potter headcanons???”

I think I know what you’re getting at, but to clarify - do you mean you think that every character in HP is heterosexual and cis? Or that you just haven’t specifically thought about which character holds which identity?

the later for sure for sure for sure 

talk about queer harry potter headcanons???

i mean here’s the thing about queer harry potter headcanons 

i love them, so so so so much, but i do not have any

i literally do not headcanon any of the harry potter characters at all? like i think it’s so so important to queer headcanon harry potter characters (since we don’t have, like, any actual queer harry potter characters) but for me harry potter is only vaguely about the characters and the story any more? that sounds terrible 

like, i love harry potter. i love the stories and the characters and the story world. but mostly what i love about harry potter is the community built out of it. harry potter gave me a foundation on which to build the rest of my life, and so little of that is the actual characters, queer or otherwise 

harry potter gave me the basis on which to find //actual queer people// and figure out that part of myself, as well as a lot of other things about myself, and so for me it doesn’t fill that space of queer headcanons in the way that, say, doctor who does (which it does, a lot) 

does that make sense? i don’t think that makes a lot of sense. i think queer headcanons are so important, and harry potter queer headcanons especially 




"you can’t be just friends with people of the gender you’re attracted to"
myth actually true. i, as a bisexual, can confirm that i have no friends.

pansexuals spend their lives in solitude, with only rocks for company

meanwhile asexuals are friends with everyone. literally every single person on the planet. i do not know how i remember so many names

the other day i was in a meeting with the head of chapters department about how my project is going and he was like, “so, are you feeling any more confident about communicating with your teams? did my suggestions about how to establish more consistent contact help at all?”

and i was like “yeah, i do feel a lot more solid about it! thank you so much for your advice, but really i feel a lot better because i found this twitter account that just posts team management tips from captain picard every day and then created a plan based on what i think captain picard would do” 

hey friends just a reminder that if your temperature control is poor or you are prone to panic attacks or any health concerns that you think could be prompted or excacerbated by pouring a bucket of ice water over yourself all of a sudden you should not feel like you have a responsibility to do the ice bucket challenge your first priority should be to take care of yourself and your health

"maya, why do you like spike?" please read this:

i’ve found it i’ve found the most important piece of btvs meta in the whole world

so did you watch the new DW?

I didn’t- I decided in December that I wouldn’t watch any of the new Doctor Who, and I’m gonna stick to that.

Instead, I’ve been reading the Eighth Doctor Adventures and starting to work my way into Classic Who.